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When you get divorced, it’s natural to feel pain. While it may be unavoidable, people can end up increasing and prolonging their suffering during this time. Negative thinking may be a huge contributor to this unnecessary pain.
Negative Thoughts During Divorce
Negative thinking is not a good habit to get into, especially during a divorce. It can lead to you feeling more angry, anxious, and depressed. The thing about negative thinking is that most people don’t realize they are doing it. That’s what makes it so difficult to deal with.
Here are some examples of negative thinking:
- Over-generalizing: Thinking or saying things like “I’m always going to be alone,” or “They only want one thing from me” about your ex, are not positive things to focus on. You are essentially deciding one negative feature is the only one. However, there is more than one side to a person.
- Labeling: You start picking negative attributes to represent a whole person. For example: “They are selfish,” “I am worthless,” or “They are a liar.” You let that one identifier be the only thing you focus on. It keeps you angry at yourself and the other person.
- Blaming yourself and others for your misfortune: Blaming yourself can lead to feelings of guilt that are hard to move past, and blaming your spouse can lead to you victimizing yourself. When you see yourself as a victim, you avoid taking responsibility, which can prolong your anger. You need to take responsibility for your actions and realize that you and your spouse both made your own choices. You cannot take them back; instead, you have to move on.
- Filtering: When filtering happens, you may only see the negative side of things. By focusing on your fears and the losses in your life, you keep yourself in a constant state of depression and anxiety.
- Exaggerating: When you start to exaggerate potential threats and harm and only focus on what the next disaster will be, you cannot begin to move on. You are too focused on expecting the worst that you don’t actually cope with your feelings.
Another option to help reduce these feelings is to speak to a licensed professional like a therapist. They will be able to help you navigate your feelings and provide strategies to help you move on from your divorce.
It’s okay to not feel immediately happy when you are going through a divorce. It’s a process that takes time and hard work. By utilizing different methods you can start taking your anger and turning it into something positive that eventually helps you move forward with your life.
If you have questions about any aspect of your divorce process, please give our New York divorce lawyers a call at (347) 848-1850. We’re here to help you.